Chiquitos

by guyspartacus

35 minute wait for a table during which I was charged £4.20 for a pint of San Miguel pish and £2.39 for a diet Coke.

Restaurant is filled with a smokey haze from the hot skillets they insist on dousing in some sort of citric acid to make them spit and smoke on their journey to the tables – makes everything stink.

Complimentary tortilla chips and salsa are plonked on the table – they’re soft and chewy like cardboard, the salsa is watery and flavourless

eventually an order is taken

25 minutes later a starter arrives, chicken wings – 6 No. Coated in a sticky jerk sauce served with enough jerk sauce to drown them twice over. All bone, about 1/4 of a mouthful of chicken on each. The missus had nachos, they were the same soft chewy chips, only with a teaspoon of ‘guacamole’ that seemed to be lacking in avocado – a splash of watery salsa and covered in fake, orangey coloured cheese that looked like it had come out of a bottle.

Another 25 minute wait.

Main course – ‘Chiq chiq chicken’, Mexican style. 1/4 of a chicken breast and half a wing, still on the carcass – 3 x more carcass than meat – all doused in a spicy sauce and served with 2 sorts of rice (presumably to make one feel full).
The missus had a chilli beef burrito. Served with rice. The menu failed to mention that the burrito is actually filled with rice too – only about 4 bits of beef to be found, so it was in fact a rice filled tortilla with rice.

Waited another 10 minutes for the bill, then a further 10 before they bothered to take our money.

If it was any more than £9.99 each I’d have fucking walked.

How the fuck are these places so popular?

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